Jokes

A policeman pulled a blonde over after she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad because all the cars were leaving.

Two men were digging a ditch on a very hot day. One said to the other:
- Why are we down in this hole digging a ditch when our boss is standing up there in the shade of a tree?
- I don't know, - responded the other.
- I'll ask him.
So he climbed out of the hole and went to his boss.
- Why are we digging in the hot sun and you're standing in the shade?
- Intelligence, - the boss said.
- What do you mean, 'intelligence'?
The boss said,
- Well, I'll show you. I'll put my hand on this tree and I want you to hit it with your fist as hard as you can.
The ditch digger took a mighty swing and tried to hit the boss' hand. The boss removed his hand and the ditch digger hit the tree. The boss said:
-That's intelligence!
The ditch digger went back to his hole. His friend asked:
- What did he say?
- He said we are down here because of intelligence.
- What's intelligence? said the friend. The ditch digger put his hand on his face and said:
- Take your shovel and hit my hand.

A Canadian is having his petit dejeuner (coffee, croissants, bread, butter jam) when an American man, chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Canadian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.
American: "You Canada folk eat the whole bread??"
Canadian (in a bad mood): "Of course."
American: (after blowing a huge bubble) "We don't. In the States, we only eat what is inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Canada."
The American has a smile on his face. The Canadian listens in silence.
The American persists: "Do you eat jelly with the bread??"
Canadian: "Of Course." American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and sell the jam to Canada."
The Canadian then asks: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Why of course we do", the American says with a big smile.
Canadian: And what do you do with the condoms once you ve used them?"
American: "We throw them away, of course."
Canadian: "We don't. In Canada, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and sell them to America."

Three convicts were on the way to prison. They were each allowed to take one item with them to help them occupy their time while incarcerated. On the bus one turned to another and said: - So what did you bring? The second convict pulled out a box of paints and stated that he intended to paint anything he could. He wanted to become the Grandma Moses of Jail. Then he asked the first: - What did you bring? The first convict pulled out a deck of cards and grinned and said: - I brought cards. I can play poker solitaire gin and any number of games. The third convict was sitting quietly aside grinning to himself. The other two took notice and asked: - Why are you so smug? What did you bring? The guy pulled out a box of tampons and smiled. He said: - I brought these. The other two were puzzled and asked: What can you do with those? He grinned and pointed to the box and said: - Well according to the box I can go horseback riding swimming roller-skating...